Coming Out as a Geek Is Hard to Do

I spent most of my life hiding who I really was until a conversation with Nhu-An changed everything.

We've crossed the one-year anniversary of Brain Knows Better and it's pretty incredible to think how much my life has changed over this last year. It's been a ton of fun to explore the psychology of sci-fi, but more than anything, this blog has helped me be honest about who I am – a big geek.

I didn't like who I was in middle school and tried everything I could to blend in.

I wasn't always this open about being a geek. For most of my life, I tried to hide it. In middle school, I knew some kids who wore Starfleet uniforms to class. When they were bullied for it, I stood by silently. Back then, I probably watched as much Star Trek: The Next Generation after school as they did, but I wanted nothing to do with them. They weren't cool and more than anything else, I wanted to fit in.

It took me a long time to open up about being a geek. I like to think it started with a conversation I had with Nhu-An in high school. She’s now my fiancée, but back then we were just getting to know each other.

"What's your deepest fear Nhu-An?"

She didn't hesitate to respond.

"Not fulfilling my full potential in life. I think about that a lot. What about you?"

"Oh wow...yeah that's a good one. For me, I have to say spiders. I have to ask my mom to kill them anytime they're in my room."

It was easy to be myself around Nhu-An, but I hadn’t told her about my love of sci-fi, technology, or comic books. In fact, I never told anyone outside my family about these things. Six months into our relationship, I was ready.

"Nhu-An, can we talk after school? There's something I need to tell you."

"Is everything okay?!?" You could tell she was worried.

"Yeah, I just need to get something off my chest."

I waited until after school, when everyone else had cleared out. We walked around the campus a few times to make sure no one else would hear what I had to say.

"Are you okay Ali? What’s wrong?"

"Yeah, everyone's okay, it's not like that. Well you know how you know every line in Hello Dolly? No one else knows this, but I'm the same way with Star Trek—I’m a Trekkie."

Nhu-An was the first person to learn that I was a geek.

It felt weird saying that out loud.

"Stop messing around, what did you want to tell me?"

"That's it, I'm a Trekkie, a big fan of Star Trek. Actually, I love all science fiction, Star Wars, too."

"Is that it!?!"

Nhu-An hit me in the arm.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE DYING ALI! You had me worried all day. All you wanted to tell me was that you like science fiction?!? Who cares?!?"

That wasn't the response I expected. I was afraid Nhu-An might break up with me because I love Star Trek. Turns out she just didn't think it was a big deal.

That was a huge relief. Even though she didn’t like sci-fi herself, we spent much of the following weeks talking about why Star Trek meant so much to me.

“It’s actually really cool that a TV show had this effect on you. A lot of people watch TV and play video games but it doesn’t make them a better person.”

Nhu-An helped me feel proud of being a geek, but I continued to avoid talking about my geeky interests with anyone else. I just didn’t think there were many people out there who shared my interests and were normal. That’s why I was so shocked three years later when I noticed Alix, a girl in the neighboring dorm room, had a Star Trek logo on her keychain. I didn’t know her well, but the keychain made me think she was a safe person to talk to.

“Hey Alix, this is sorta random, but do you like Star Trek?”

She looked terrified and started hyperventilating.

“Whaaat?!? How do you know?!?”

I explained the situation and reassured her that I too was a fan. She eventually calmed down.

We became friends and watched new episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise together. Word spread in our dorm and people asked to join us. Soon, we organized a Star Trek movie marathon that packed my room full of people. Some were die hard fans, some were just curious.

It was such a strange new world for me to have a friend like Alix to geek out with.

Once I discovered that there were other geeks out there in the world just like me, I wanted to find them. Like Alix’s keychain, I dropped small geek references in my conversations – stuff like “Make it so” and “Do, or do not” – to see if anyone would take the bait. This is how I've made almost all of my geeky friends, especially those who've also struggled to identify as geeks themselves.

Once I found the courage to do so, being honest about who I am brought me nothing but good things. That’s why I went public with my geek identity and started this website. I wanted to share what I’ve learned about the stuff I love. The experience has been incredibly rewarding because it’s made it possible for me to meet all of you.

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February 14, 2014 Update: To hear a podcast version of this story, check out the Valentine's Day episode of the Super Fantastic Nerd Hour.

Gravity Is No Masterpiece, but It Is Awe-Inspiring (Non-Spoiler Film Review)

I can't tell you how much I've been anticipating Alfonso Cuarón's Gravity. Over the last 10 years, Cuarón has become one of my favorite directors. He brought a beautiful sense of visual storytelling to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and Children of Men is considered to be the most important science fiction film of the last decade. While Gravity didn't turn out to be the masterpiece I was hoping for, it’s awe-inspiring and that’s an achievement in itself.

I saw the film at a sold out opening weekend screening at New York City's only true IMAX theater. Throughout the 90 minute run time, the theater was completely absorbed—no one spoke, no text messages were sent, no one left for the bathroom. We were all mesmerized by the film's evolutionary 3D, Cuarón's thrilling tracking shots, and the realistic depiction of space physics. I wasn't just pulled in because of Gravity's eye-candy, it was also Cuarón's "show, not tell" style. I loved reading his rational for this at io9:  

I think much of mainstream cinema are films that you can watch with your eyes closed. You enter the cinema, buy your popcorn, sit down, close your eyes, start eating your popcorn the movie begins and the movie ends you didn't miss one thing because they told you everything. As opposed to you experiencing the film and seeing visual information.

Gravity is a cinematic sensory experience I've never had before. This must be what it was like to see Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey for the first time back in 1968. 

Gravity is, however, an entirely different film from 2001. It doesn't have as wide of a scope, nor does it make any grand statements about humanity. This film is a simple story of survival and terror in the impossibility of space. It also has flaws that prevent it from rising to the same level of Kubrick's masterpiece. The characters are simplistic—George Clooney plays a "Buzz Lightyear" veteran astronaut opposite Sandra Bullock's fish-out-of-water scientist on her first space mission. Both characters feel clichéd at times. I love that Cuarón fought to keep the film's lead a female, but Bullock's character acts and talks in a way that sometimes feels like a gender stereotype. There's also a major scientific plot hole in the movie, but that doesn't bother me too much. Cuarón's first draft of the script was 100% scientifically accurate, but it was probably too slow to work for the big screen. The final product is a nice blend of reality and fiction.

Despite its flaws, Gravity is a cinematic achievement. Look at some of the other films from this summer—Oblivion was beautiful and Star Trek Into Darkness suspenseful, but neither inspired awe. Critics are saying Gravity has "rewritten the rules of cinema" and "shows us the glory of cinema's future". This is true, not because the film will change Hollywood, but because audiences leave Gravity wondering how the film was made and how the physics of space exploration work. Just like 2001, kids will be inspired by Gravity to become the next generation of filmmakers and our future scientists.

Rating: 9/10

I agree completely with AV Club, both in their non-spoiler and spoiler reviews. Another worthwhile read is astronaut Buzz Aldrin's take on the film. Be sure to check out my article on the psychology of space exploration (which the film gets mostly right).    

3 Things Astronauts Need to Survive in Space

Space Shuttle Endeavor and the International Space Station. Image by NASA.

For one year in college I had the job of my dreams—working as an intern at the NASA Ames Research Center. Even though my day was full of grunt work like scheduling appointments, running experiments, and maintaining a database of research participants, I was honored to part of an organization that I believed in so deeply. Interning at NASA felt like the closest I would get to the final frontier and I savored it till the end.

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The coolest part of the internship was getting to learn about the psychology of space exploration. While my team was responsible for human-machine interfaces (like the redesigned Space Shuttle glass cockpit), they also taught me what it takes to keep astronauts alive in space (beyond the obvious stuff like oxygen and radiation shields). Since we’re all eagerly awaiting Alfonso Cuarón's Gravity, a film about survival in space, I thought this would be a great time to revisit NASA’s lessons about space travel—build an effective team, create Earth-like conditions, and develop rapid brain and behavioral feedback.

1) Build An Effective Team

The multinational crew of the Columbia STS-107 tragedy was one of the most diverse in NASA's history. Image by NASA. 

After overcoming Earth's gravity and the vacuum of space, the next biggest challenge astronauts face is being part of an effective team. Imagine being stuck in a cramped area with a small group of people for a long period of time without any privacy or escape. No, it's not prison—this is what space exploration feels like. Astronauts work in suffocatingly small spaces, have very stressful schedules, and rely on each other to get their jobs done. Small conflicts between the crew can quickly escalate into serious life threatening problems. Living and working well together, despite differences in personalities and perspectives, isn’t a lofty goal – it’s critical to survival in space. 

NASA takes team building very seriously. Much of the research from NASA’s National Space Biomedical Research Institute has focused on team cohesion. We now know that mixed gender crews work better than all male or female crews (at least in remote research facilities, the military, and NASA). When it comes to multinational crews, the biggest barrier to cohesion is working with machines and procedures that are unfamiliar. This can be easily overcome if different nations work together when designing machines, developing procedures, and training their crew.

Based on these findings, NASA created a comprehensive team training program. Using classes, simulations, and virtual reality, NASA trains astronauts to effectively communicate with one another, work across cultures, make decisions, take care of each other, lead and follow, manage conflict, and deal with unexpected situations in space. Probably the most important part of the training is the subtle stuff that comes along the way—the crews get a chance to spend time together before missions, get to know each other, create a common language, and develop trust for one another.

Space agencies have done a pretty good job of building effective teams for Apollo, Space Shuttle, Mir, and International Space Station missions. But these missions have had the benefit of regular communication with Earth, support from ground crews, and shorter durations. The real challenge will be sending a team to Mars where communication with Earth will be delayed and the flight there and back could take years.

2) Create Earth-like Conditions

There's not much room for sunlight in the ISS. Image by NASA.

 Our biology developed to survive within Earth's atmosphere and gravity. That's why spaceships have ample supplies of oxygen and why astronauts spend so much of their day exercising.

The same is true of our psychology—it developed to function on Earth, not in the vacuum of space. This becomes a major problem for our internal clock—the suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN). The SCN regulates circadian rhythms, which wake us up in the morning and make us sleepy at night. Because the SCN is located right next to the optic nerve, sunlight has a big impact on it. The more sunlight gets into your eyes, the more alert you feel. As the sun sets and our surroundings become dark, the SCN gets your body ready for bed.

The problem with space exploration is astronauts don’t get the same exposure to sunlight and darkness that they’re used to on Earth. Take the International Space Station—it orbits the Earth every 90 minutes with varying exposure to sunlight. The SCN isn’t built for a 90-minute orbit; it's used to a 24-hour cycle. Being on the International Space Station is kinda like having perpetual jet lag. Combine that with the loud sounds of machinery and it’s no wonder so many astronauts suffer from insomnia and chronic drowsiness during simulations and space missions.

Insomnia and drowsiness is a huge problem for anyone operating machinery. Driving a car while drowsy is just as bad as driving drunk. You can imagine how much of a problem this would cause astronauts working with multimillion-dollar equipment in life-threatening situations.

The solution is replicating as many Earth-like conditions as possible. NASA plans to replace the International Space Station’s fluorescent lights with a new LED system that creates blue, white, and red light. A combination of these colors creates light that’s similar to what we get on Earth during mornings, afternoons, and evenings. Then, mission control will time the lighting to correspond with a 24-hour cycle. It’s a similar solution to light boxes which are used to treat seasonal depression.  

3) Develop Rapid Brain and Behavioral Feedback

Sensors, like those in this space suit, will one day include brain and behavioral measures. Image by NASA.

We get a lot of feedback from the people we interact with every day. Coming home from a rough day at work, our loved ones might ask us how we’re doing and give us an opportunity to vent about whatever happened that day. This type of feedback helps us maintain good mental health. Improving awareness of our thoughts and feelings is also a major goal of all effective psychotherapies.

This type of feedback is rare in space. Sure, the crew might notice some changes in your mood, but what if they are also experiencing the same problems as you? They could also be the source of your frustration, leading you to isolate yourself. Some of the sleep research I discussed earlier has already shown that astronauts think they feel better than mission control's data indicates. 

This is why NASA is developing remote brain and behavioral feedback systems to augment the current monitoring of an astronaut’s physiology. The goal is for ground crews to intervene with problems in space before they impact mission goals or compromise team cohesion. A group of psychologists are developing tools to measure interpersonal behaviors between crew members. Heart-rate, speech, and distance between crew members will be monitored using a badge. Ground teams will be alerted if there are altercations between the crew or if anyone is isolating themselves. Psychologists have also developed a psychomotor vigilance test that measures mood and depression. Saliva tests and facial recognition software can also be used to measure an astronaut’s stress and mood. All of this information will one day be integrated with computer software that can provide remote therapy to help astronauts get back on track. 

NASA astronaut Chris Cassidy taking a photo from the ISS's cupola viewport. Image by NASA.

Building team cohesion, creating Earth-like conditions, and rapid feedback systems are important to survival in space. But it’s not enough to just survive. Space exploration is a deeply moving experience for many astronauts. They spend most of their free time in awe of the Earth (just look at these beautiful photographs from astronaut Chris Hadfield or watch his heartfelt goodbye to the International Space Station). Some astronauts return to Earth completely changed by what they saw in space. I wonder what would happen if we could all experience space flight and see our pale blue dot from the vastness of space?

This is why I love NASA. It represents the most optimistic branch of our government—an organization solely dedicated to exploration, science, and helping humans thrive in the most impossible situations. I hope Gravity will increase our appreciation for the resiliency of astronauts and the awesome enterprise that is human space exploration.

I’ve barely scratched the surface of space psychology. For much more check out NASA’s free ebook, The Psychology of Space Exploration: Contemporary Research in Historical Perspective.

3 Easy Steps to Create Star Trek's Utopian Future at NYC Nerd Nite

Last Friday was the 6th season premiere of New York City's Nerd Nite at the Galapagos Art Space in DUMBO Brooklyn.

The evening included cool talks by Manish Engineer ($300 Million For a Painting of 2 Guys Playing Cards?) and Rachel Spurrier (Purity Balls: Father-Daughter Dance Meets Abstinence Rally). We were also joined by world renowned harpist Mia Theodoratus and DJ Soul Korea. There was even a dry t-shirt contest.

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I had so much fun presenting my talk (3 Easy Steps to Create Star Trek's Utopian Future). My favorite part was hearing from a woman who spoke to me after and said, "I wish I could go back in time and tell the 12-year-old version of me that nights like this will exist in the future - it would have made me feel a lot less weird about being a Trekkie and much more cool." That's the greatest part of Nerd Nite - it's a celebration of everything that makes being a geek so cool.  

Thanks to a generous friend, my talk is now up on YouTube. Check it out if you couldn't make it to the real thing.

For more on the psychology of first contact, read the article that inspired this talk. Be sure to visit a future Nerd Nite in your local area for more cool nerdy talks.