The Most Epic Blanket Fort and the Nerdy Love Story That Made It So

April 10, 2014

This fall, Nhu-An and I are getting married.

We've been together since November 18, 2000, back when we were seniors in high school. Despite a lot of obstacles like living on opposite sides of the country for much of our relationship and the glacial pace at which I completed grad school, we've stayed together and continue to be in love. To celebrate our engagement, we made this epic blanket fort.

Here’s the nerdy story that made all of this possible.

A nerdy love story

Nhu-An and I were very different people when we met. She worked hard, wanted to make a big difference in the world, and kept thinking about the next big thing. I only cared about enjoying the present moment with my friends and family. That's why our senior class voted me "most likely to be out of class" while Nhu-An was "most likely to succeed".

We seemed to be complete opposites. She was prudent. I was careless. She was anxious. I was laid-back. She knew exactly what she wanted out of life while I had no idea where I was headed but was confident things would work themselves out. People wondered why we were together, especially our parents.

I started dating Nhu-An because I thought she was cute and she was super nice to me. One day in English class I was sick and she handed me tissues so I could blow my nose. I was anxious about girls and didn’t think they noticed me, so this was a pretty big deal. Then there was the day I got my braces off—Nhu-An was the only one who noticed and I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day.

Nhu-An says that when we started dating, she could forget about the serious stuff—school, recitals, extracurriculars. Hanging out together was fun. Our relationship was a break from her structured life. It gave her a chance to go to the movies, eat fast food, and hang out at the mall.

Corny stuff like that brought us together.

With a foundation like that, we shouldn’t have lasted too long. But things changed after I came out to Nhu-An about being a geek. The more I told her about my love of Star Trek, my collection of X-Men comics, and how I built computers for fun, the more she talked about the silly musicals and plays she put on as a kid for her family, her collection of Baby Sitters Club books, and how much she loved school. We realized that we're both really big geeks, just with totally different interests. Loving something passionately and wanting to share it became the glue that kept us together throughout the next decade.

It wasn't just about sticking together. Being geeks helped us grow. She told me all of her secrets to academic success and gave me hope that I could transfer out of community college. When I was clueless about what to major in, Nhu-An was the one who helped me realize that I loved psychology. When Nhu-An starting doubting the decisions she was making in life and questioned her "master plan", I helped her to live a life more true to who she is. That's why she left biomedical engineering and pursued media production.

We've even helped each other become better geeks. I used to hate musicals as a kid because I couldn't stand the 6-hour Bollywood movies my parents used to watch. I didn't realize it at the time, but Nhu-An used an old sales technique to ease me into the genre. She first made me watch Moulin Rouge, which was awesome because it had Obi-Wan Kenobi and Nirvana’s "Smells Like Teen Spirit”. Then she took me to see The Lion King (my favorite Disney animated movie) on Broadway. Nhu-An later talked about the social commentary of Rent, using the same language I spoke when describing a great episode of Star Trek. I was hooked and spent most of 2006 singing "Seasons of Love".

I wasn't as successful at getting Nhu-An into Star Trek. She's always supported my love of the final frontier and understood why it meant so much to me, but she couldn’t make it through an episode without falling asleep. She loves the new J.J. Abrams films, but I think that has more to do with Chris Pine than the U.S.S. Enterprise. But I knew Nhu-An loved politics. She devours every issue of The Economist and it takes her hours to watch Meet the Press because she pauses every minute to fact-check the politicians. After I described Battlestar Galactica as "The West Wing in space", she gave it a shot and ended up binge watching the whole series. Now she wants us to cosplay as Athena and Helo at the next Comic Con.

After we got engaged, we wanted to plan a wedding that celebrated how important geeking out has been in our relationship. That’s why we were drawn to the Housing Works bookstore. It’s a cool non-profit that helps old books find new homes (a pretty nerdy endeavor). When we learned that all the proceeds would go towards fighting homelessness and AIDS in New York City, we knew this was right for us.

Since books will be a theme in our wedding, we wanted to recreate a scene from one of our favorite childhood stories for our engagement photo. But we couldn’t agree on a book. I wanted Where the Wild Things Are and Nhu-An wanted The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. That’s when we got lost talking about how much fun it would have been to hang out as kids and share our favorite books and toys with each other. That’s how the idea for our epic blanket fort was born.

An epic blanket fort

Nhu-An's original vision of our blanket fort.

Nhu-An and I searched the internet for blanket fort inspiration. Tumblr was a good place to start. The Community episode “Pillows and Blankets” was fun to rewatch, but didn’t reveal any blanket fort secrets. Things clicked when we saw The Holiday. The movie is really bad, but it features an awesome blanket fort. We loved how whimsical and cozy it was.

Nhu-An designed an elaborate pulley system of embroidery hoops and S-rings held up by jute twine crisscrossing the ceiling of the apartment (check out her nerdy engineering diagrams below). We spent a weekend gathering materials from arts and crafts stores and picked up some extra blankets and bed sheets.

Construction started on February 1st, 2014. Everything was going well until we tried to install hooks into the wall. We needed to secure the twine to the hooks to hold the pulley in place. Unfortunately, the brick wall didn’t make for a straightforward installation. Everything collapsed.

In a panicked state, Nhu-An tried sketching alternate designs that didn’t require embroidery hoops. That’s when I got the idea to just start throwing around blankets and sheets and seeing what we came up with. When I told Nhu-An, she confessed that she never made a blanket fort before. I showed her how I used to make blanket forts when I was a kid and she quickly caught on. We had a ton of fun putting it together. It felt like we were coming full circle to the start of our relationship.

After 6 hours of construction in this tiny Manhattan apartment, it was ready.

A surreal photographer

Bill Wadman photographing our epic blanket fort.

We knew from the start that we wanted Bill Wadman to photograph our blanket fort. Bill creates portraits that look like paintings. His conceptual work blends in with some of our favorite surrealist art (check out his awesome homage to Caravaggio's The Calling of Saint Matthew which features both me and Nhu-An). Not only has Bill become a close friend of mine, but his imaginative approach to photography was exactly what we needed to bring our concept to life.

Our favorite things

Nhu-An and I made a list of the most important influences on our childhood and selected items that were symbolic of these things. A lot of the stuff we’ve had since we were kids (our parents were kind enough to ship them to us) and others we’ve picked over the years as adults. A few key items were found at flea markets, eBay, Amazon, or the library, specifically for our blanket fort.

Here’s a rundown of everything that went into our blanket fort:

Lego Back to the Future DeLorean time machine
Star Wars Boba Fett action figure.
Welch's Fruit Snacks
Tab soda
Curious George lunchbox
Apple and Eve apple juice box
Kidrobot Street Fighter Ken (hidden behind juice box)
NASA patch (hidden behind DeLorean)
Space Invaders stress toy
Bowl of grapes
Kellogg’s Fruit Loops cereal
Ruffles potato chips

Doctor Who talking TARDIS plush toy

Nhu-An’s 1996 California Music Education Association honors award

Flag of the state of California

1980s snap bracelet
Violin
Homemade crown
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Tuck Everlasting
To Kill a Mockingbird
Baby-Sitters Club #11, #12, #14, #15, #17, #19, #28, #35, #36, #37, #39, #42, #46
Baby-Sitters Club Super Special #1, #2, #3, #4 #5, #6, #7, #8
Ramona Forever
Little Women
Matilda
Pride and Prejudice
Madeline and the Bad Hat
American Girls Collection: Meet Kirsten, Molly’s Surprise, Meet Josefina, Meet Felicity, Changes for Felicity, Happy Birthday Felicity, Samantha's Winter Party

Stuart Little
Peter Pan
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
The Berenstain Bears and the Slumber Party
Treasure Island
American Girls Collection: Felicity’s Surprise, Felicity Learns a Lesson
The Great Gatsby
Art Asylum Star Trek: The Next Generation USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D
Coca-Cola
The Dark Knight Rises Batman vinyl figure
Toy Story Rex figure

Think Geek Star Trek USS Enterprise plush toy
Art Asylum Star Trek communicator
Isaac Asimov: The Complete Stories, Vol. 1
We
Jurassic Park
Skittles
Life Savers
Nestlé Crunch
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) cassette tape soundtrack
E.T. VHS
Blade Runner VHS
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade VHS
Jurassic Park VHS
Terminator 2: Judgement Day VHS
Independence Day VHS
The Magic School Bus Out of This World VHS
The Rocketeer VHS
Top Gun VHS
Toy Story VHS
Aladdin VHS
The Baby-Sitters Club VHS
Stargate VHS
Star Wars Han Solo in carbonite
Pressman Toy Saved By The Bell board game

Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual
The Official Star Trek 30th Anniversary Magazine
Haribo gummi bears
Playmates Star Trek: The Next Generation tricorder
Super Nintendo Entertainment System controller
Sega Genesis controller
Kudos granola bar
Micro Machines Star Trek: The Next Generation Borg Cube
Micro Machines Star Trek: The Next Generation Klingon Bird of Prey
Underground Toys Star Wars Anakin Skywalker lightsaber flashlight
Donkey Kong Jenga
Wolverine #67 - Valley O' Death!
Star Trek X-MEN
Uncanny X-Men Vol 1 #300
Web of Spider-Man Vol 1 #100
Superman #78 Reign of the Supermen
Superman: Man of Steel Vol 1 #22
Adventures of Superman Vol 1 #501
The Maxx #1
Spiderman Unlimited #1
X-Men Unlimited #1
Madeline
The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Vacation
The Baby-Sitters Club #2, #6, #7, #10, #19
Matilda
Of Mice and Men
I Am Spock
Falling Up
Goosebumps: Monster Blood
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Amelia Bedelia Goes Camping
Little House on the Prairie
American Girls Collection: Changes for Molly: A Winter Story, Molly Saves the Day
Strega Nona
Moon

Batman cape
Batman patch
Underground Toys Star Wars Anakin Skywalker lightsaber flashlight
Nintendo Entertainment System controller
Super Nintendo Entertainment System controller
Sega Genesis controller
Atari 2600 joystick
Kudos granola bar
Micro Machines Star Trek: The Next Generation Borg Cube
Micro Machines Star Trek: The Next Generation Klingon Bird of Prey
Micro Machines Star Trek: The Next Generation Klingon Negh'Var ship
Micro Machines Star Wars Star Destroyer
Simon game
Eaglemoss Batman: The Animated Series Batmobile
Crayola crayons
Star Wars Darth Vader action figure
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles / Star Trek Leonardo James T. Kirk

Rachmaninoff 6 Etudes Tableau for piano solo sheet music
Anne's House of Dreams
Anne of Ingleside
Charlotte's Web
Where the Wild Things Are
Corduroy
Madeline
Pitt #1
Action Comics #687 (Superman)
Adventures of Superman Vol 1 #505
Adventures of Superman #500
Superman: Man of Steel Vol 1 #25
Spawn #10
Bloodstrike #1
Wildcats Trilogy Vol 1 #1
XO Manowar #1
Sabretooth Vol 1 #1
Spider-Man 2099 Vol 1 #6
Sesame Street Big Bird stuffed animal

To learn more about our nerdy love story, check out the Valentine's Day episode of the Super Fantastic Nerd Hour.

Star Trek Continues is a Nostalgic Return to the Franchise's Social Justice Origins

March 28, 2014

For the first time, I'm exploring the psychology of a new episode of Star Trek. It might not be canon, but Star Trek Continues feels like the real deal. Not only is this fan-produced web series a nostalgic voyage into The Original Series, but it also returns the franchise to its social justice origins.

A nostalgic voyage

Chris Doohan, the son of James Doohan, is Chief Engeineer Mr. Scott. — Chris Doohan, the son of James Doohan, is Chief Engeineer Mr. Scott.

The crew has done a brilliant job bringing The Original Series era to life. The writing, sets, costumes, sounds, music, visual effects, and cinematography feel just like a classic episode of Star Trek. While many fan projects have imitated The Original Series, this production feels like it picks up where the original left off.

A big part of that comes from the quality of the cast. Not only are they experienced actors, but they all share a deep love of the source material (watch them geek out on their Kickstarter video). Vic Mignogna leads the crew, both on and off screen, as Captain James T. Kirk and Executive Producer. Everyone loves to parody William Shatner's over the top moments as Kirk, but Mignogna's version reminds us that Kirk was also a tender and introspective man. Don't worry, Mignogna still whips out the trusty Starfleet clenched fist uppercut when needed.

Watching the first episode of Star Trek Continues, “Pilgrim of Eternity”, generated a lot of nostalgia for me. The episode is a faithful sequel to "Who Mourns for Adonais?" (The Original Series episode where the Enterprise meets the Greek god Apollo). It reminded me of how much fun I had watching The Original Series for the first time and the endless debates I had with my brother about the decisions Kirk made. We know nostalgia lifts our mood, reminds us of important social relationships from our past, and makes us want to connect with our loved ones in the present. That's exactly how I felt after watching Star Trek Continues – I was super excited to talk about the episode with all my Trekkie friends.

A return to social justice

The second episode of Star Trek Continues focuses on Lolani, a victim of the Orion slave trade. — The second episode of *Star Trek Continues* focuses on Lolani, a victim of the Orion slave trade.

The second episode, "Lolani", dives deeper into what made The Original Series so important – social justice. The episode focuses on the story of Lolani, a female Orion slave who seeks refuge on the Enterprise. I won't spoil what happens next, but I will say Kirk has to choose between his morals and his oath to the Federation. It's a captivating episode, but more importantly "Lolani" brings attention to the issue of modern day slavery.

Around the world, there’re 12.3 million children and adults in forced labor or prostitution. About 56% of these human trafficking cases are girls and women. Like Lolani, many victims of trafficking experience life-threatening physical and sexual abuse. Despite the gravity of this issue and it's global condemnation, human trafficking persists and is rarely discussed in media. That's probably why the American Psychological Association recently concluded that little is known about individuals who're involved in trafficking humans and major research is needed to understand how we can solve this problem.

The Original Series's "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" — *The Original Series's* "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"

This type of social justice, bringing attention to inequality that is ignored by media, is a hallmark of the original Star Trek series. It was the first TV show to feature a multicultural cast, women in power, and had the first interracial kiss. The infamous "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield", an episode about half-white/half-black aliens committed to destroying each other, is widely panned for being too obvious in its message. What everyone misses about this episode is that it’s not about social commentary – it's social justice. Check out what the Mission Log podcast had to say about it (Supplemental episode 12 at 58:55):

Ken Ray: "Anybody who thinks that 'Let That Be Your Last Battlefield' is a bad episode is drinking too much…or not enough."
Rod Roddenberry: "…they hit the nail on the head but that was perfect for the era it was out."
John Champion: "We got a great email from a listener saying this is a great example of Star Trek moving into the point of storytelling as advocacy. Instead of just saying 'oh hey look here is this interesting problem' here's a story that's saying 'no you are dumb if you will destroy yourself by these petty racially motivated violences that you carry out on each other."

Like "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield", "Lolani" puts a face on an important issue and forces us to consider what happens if we ignore our conscience and let the injustice of human trafficking continue.

The psychological impact of human trafficking

During my time at New York's Bellevue Hospital Center, I worked with a lot of trafficked individuals in the emergency room after they escaped captivity. Most were female, always on guard, and didn't want to talk about what happened while they were in captivity. This type of hypervigilance and avoidance are common symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

"Lolani" does a good job showing us these two symptoms of trauma. However, the ship's psychologist walks into a scientific minefield when conceptualizing her patient:

Dr. Elise MacKennah: "It's not uncommon for someone whose been traumatized to block out memories that are just too painful. It's entirely possible she's simply not conscious of everything that's happened."

The idea that traumatic memories could be forgotten for long periods of time and recovered later in therapy (or through a mind meld) led to a decade of "memory wars" in the 1990s. Cognitive psychologists showed that many people can “remember” doing something that never actually happened. On the other hand, clinical psychologists pointed to many cases in which recovered memories were backed up by police evidence. The issue is still controversial, but most psychologists would now conceptualize Lolani as avoiding her traumatic memories, not repressing them.

Despite my psychological nitpick, I'm still a huge fan of this project. Unlike the recent Star Trek films that retain the spirit of The Original Series but make significant departures in tone and style, Star Trek Continues faithfully restarts the original 5-year mission of the U.S.S. Enterprise. I hope they continue to revisit iconic characters, promote social justice (awesome job with the female redshirts, now please give us a LGBT character), and boldly go where fan-production has gone before.

Killing Someone Doesn't Make You Crazy in The Walking Dead's Zombie Apocalypse

March 22, 2014

The Walking Dead's Scott M. Gimple has done a fantastic job with the fourth season. The show continues to raise the stakes and weave in and out of the comic's continuity in interesting ways. I was especially interested in what was happening to the kids living in the prison and started writing an articled called How to raise a child in the zombie apocalypse. After this week's episode, I completely abandoned that article and dove into the psychology behind what's become the most controversial event in the show's history. Spoilers ahead for The Walking Dead Season 4 Episode 14 – "The Grove".

COSMOS tells a great story, but it forgets to explain the science of denying science

March 14, 2014

COSMOS: A Spacetime Odyssey is presented by FOX Sundays 9/8c and National Geographic Mondays 10/9c — *COSMOS: A Spacetime Odyssey* is presented by FOX Sundays 9/8c and National Geographic Mondays 10/9c

I've been anticipating COSMOS: A Spacetime Odyssey ever since it was teased at last year's San Diego Comic Con. Carl Sagan's original Cosmos: A Personal Voyage was a big part of my childhood and, along with Star Trek, it made me believe that science would create a better future for humanity. Knowing that COSMOS was returning in one of the biggest television rollouts of all time with the coolest modern scientific communicator (Neil deGrasse Tyson) made me a very happy nerd.

Neil deGrasse Tyson's got the right stuff to take on COSMOS. — Neil deGrasse Tyson's got the right stuff to take on *COSMOS*.

The first episode explains Earth's position in the universe and introduces the cosmic calendar to a whole new generation of people. Both had the effect of making me feel impossibly small & completely inspired. What was unexpected was the story of Giordano Bruno, a man who argued that the Earth orbits the Sun in an era when most believed the Earth was the center of the universe. Bruno died for his beliefs and in telling this story COSMOS makes a clear case for the scientific method of questioning everything. The episode tells a great story, but it forgets to explain the science of why people deny science.

Stories are persuasive

A history of the universe, condensed into an easy to understand story.

What made COSMOS so effective is Tyson's mastery of storytelling. He's been doing this for years at the Hayden Planetarium, on Capitol Hill, and across television networks (probably because he was inspired to follow Sagan’s example). Tyson easily translates complex ideas into straightforward language that gets people excited about understanding space. Most scientists can't do this and have a hard time sharing their ideas with people who aren’t in their field. Check out Tyson at his best in the "We Stopped Dreaming" speech.

Stories aren't just entertaining. They’re an essential part of our psychology. The brain creates a story of who we are based upon the experiences we’ve had. These stories are simplified versions of reality (cognitive biases filter much of what happens to us). We're also biased to remember supernatural things like singing frogs (remembering things that are unusual helps us stay alive). But regardless of accuracy, stories are important because they have a huge impact on how we think, act, and feel.

The key stories from the first episode of COSMOS include:

The Earth is a tiny part of a vast universe.
Humanity didn't always believe this and people like Giordano Bruno were killed for asking too many questions.
Humanity has existed for a very small amount of time compared to the rest of the universe.

Each of these stories is backed by science, with the exception of Bruno's story. COSMOS fails to explain why people rejected Bruno’s ideas and why many continue to deny modern day scientific truths (like climate change).

We attack information that conflicts with our stories

Cognitive dissonance explains why Giordano Bruno was attacked for his views of the universe. — Cognitive dissonance explains why Giordano Bruno was attacked for his views of the universe.

The best explanation for why people deny science comes from Leon Festinger's study of "The Seekers". Festinger infiltrated a cult led by Marian Keech who claimed to be receiving messages from aliens telling her the world would end on December 21st, 1954. Keech also claimed that she, along with her followers, would be saved at midnight prior to the end of the world. Her devotees left their jobs and stayed with Keech for the week leading up to the 21st. Midnight came and went – nothing happened. Instead of coming up with a rational explanation for why they weren’t beamed up by aliens, the seekers believed that God was so impressed with their prayers that he saved the world.

Festinger tested this experience in the lab and developed cognitive dissonance theory. Basically, we try to be true to the stories we tell ourselves. When there's a clash between our beliefs and new information (The Earth is the center of the universe but this guy is saying the Earth moves around the Sun), we unconsciously find information that fits our personal stories and end the conflict (He’s a crazy heretic). Cognitive dissonance is another part of the psychological immune system that keeps us feeling good about ourselves and the choices we make. Chris Mooney summarizes it nicely:

…our positive or negative feelings about people, things, and ideas arise much more rapidly than our conscious thoughts...That shouldn't be surprising: Evolution required us to react very quickly to stimuli in our environment…We push threatening information away; we pull friendly information close. We apply fight-or-flight reflexes not only to predators, but to data itself.

The brain attacks information that might challenge our beliefs the same way antibodies fight viruses. We unconsciously morph new information to fit in with existing stories (Sure, smoking isn’t healthy, but I don’t smoke that often and when I do they’re lights). Research has also shown that the harder you try to change someone’s perspective on an emotional topic, the stronger their existing point of view becomes. That's why debates on abortion don’t go anywhere and just make people mad.

How do we get around the problem of cognitive dissonance? New information has to be communicated in a way that fits in with someone’s existing stories. That's one of the reasons why many Jews, Christians, and Muslims believe in the big bang – it’s consistent with many religious stories about genesis and creation. It’s also why some people of faith have a hard time with evolution – the cosmic calendar doesn’t align with many religious texts.

COSMOS doesn't look like any documentary we've seen before. — *COSMOS* doesn't look like any documentary we've seen before.

COSMOS, a big budget primetime miniseries that looks more like a science fiction blockbuster than a science documentary, is perfectly positioned to get around the barriers of cognitive dissonance because it tells a cool story. I’m bummed it didn’t explain why people rejected Bruno’s convictions, but I believe it will inspire a new generation to love science.

Rating: 9/10

To learn more about the science of science communication, check out Kyle Hill’s article at Discover Magazine.

The Psychology of Star Trek VS. Star Wars: Episode III Live at WonderCon 2014

March 11, 2014

Join me and Dr. Andrea Letamendi (Under the Mask Online) as we bring our popular intergalactic sci-fi battle back to WonderCon for round 3! We'll step into the pop culture ring to debate the science behind the families, friendships, and relationships of science fiction's two legendary franchises. Special guest panelists include actors Chase Masterson (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) and Catherine Taber (Star Wars: The Clone Wars). Join a side and cast your vote as we crown one the winner! Refereed by Brian Ward (The Arkham Sessions).

Saturday April 19, 2014 7:30pm - 8:30pm Room 213

Episode I Recap

Episode II Recap